Monday, December 23, 2013

all in all is all we are

All of the astrologists have told us that you will be a great communicator. You have been showing signs for some time that you understand the right names of things and lately you will make sounds that seem to approximate the English words for a couple of the objects you come into contact with everyday. While your ability to verbally converse develops you give specific physical and audible signals to indicate what you want.

When you need assistance with something you let out a quick moan that squeaks up at the end giving the gesture the intonation of a question. I know I’ve mocked this sound back at you at times when I’ve been feeling all around worn out and the thing you need assistance with is something like submerging your sock in my drinking water.

One of the infinite number of things I want for you is the understanding that no matter how you have behaved in the past you can always choose to behave differently in the future. When I have reactions I’m not proud of this is the place I take myself to regroup and move forward from.

Each time I hear your inquiry for assistance I neither have a pavlovian response that makes me feel stressed and brittle nor a cutting sense of guilt over the times I’ve reacted poorly to your requests. Most of the time to respond to you while being mindful of the intention I hold to honor your curiosity even when your specific actions of exploration cannot be permitted.

Most mornings you bring books up to me and request my assistance in having them read to you. We usually go through children’s books though sometime we will flip through magazines, catalogues and super market circulars.

Today was the first time you handed a grown up book to me to read. You listened to several random paragraphs about the life of an Indian Swami and I realized that I hadn’t read a book I was interested in since the first weeks after you were born. Today your curiosity reminded me of my own and instead of an endless steam of my energy towards you needs I saw our relationship as collaboration.

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